If you’re slightly more gregarious why not join a club. As the population in some small towns and villages dwindles, the locals are delighted for you to swell their numbers in the yoga class, cycle runs or even the senior citizens club. Don’t be surprised if you experience the “hard sell”. They are likely to ignore a foreigner’s natural reticence, the language barrier, and, in the case of senior citizens, protests that you are barely 50 years of age. In fact, the only membership criteria seem to be that you’ve given up work. The organisers of the old folks’ Christmas party in our village, noting our reluctance to join, offered us temporary membership for the festive season. Even though we brought down the average age considerably, we were accepted with celebrity-like status. Our fellow revellers wanted to know how we managed to look so young. Our claim that we were in fact “young” was met with cynical smiles and disbelieving shrugs. Not much of a compliment I think!. However, as with most of these “dos” the meal was superb. Countless courses of food prepared by the local restaurateur were accompanied by fantastic wines to suit each delicious dish. Five hours later we were treated to a karaoke-style concert of songs from the past. Interesting, entertaining and shamefully cheap.

In summer, a similar but faster repas can be had at the many fetes. Each village seems to have its own version of a farmer’s market, display of ancient and modern crafts and often, a wonderfully British thing, the car boot sale. For two hours at lunchtime though activities cease so that you may join the stall holders and regulars for a fantastic mini banquet served to hungry crowds on trestle tables. If you haven’t booked beforehand, you may have to settle for beer and a sandwich in the bar with other disappointed visitors.

Of course, there are other British things to do in France. Do you remember week-ends in the UK? If you’re still addicted to visits to the DIY store then nobody here will prevent you from continuing, except that is, on Sunday, when all such shops are closed, oh, and sometimes on a Monday too. However, you will be pleased to read that more and more retail parks are springing up everywhere and with them the number of B