10. Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up and apologize profusely.

9. Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."

8. Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she "not hurt you anymore."

7. Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.

6. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.

5. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

4. Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.

3. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.

2. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

1. Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting while saying, “You can never be too safe.”

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